Forever Kind of Love

by Becky Kline

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Rita spent another long night staring at the ceiling. The nights were the worst. She missed Chris so much her heart ached. It was exactly a year ago since Chris died and the wound in her heart would not heal. Leaving Palm Beach did nothing to help her forget. She could not believe she would ever be able to move on with her life. She watched the clock on the nightstand change time and thought of the man she loved and lost.

She had made a new life for herself on Miami’s South Beach. She took a job teaching Criminology to night students at the local community college. Christina Rose Lorenzo was born August 14, 1996. Frannie and Harry were the coaches in the delivery room. Benny Lorenzo flew down from Philadelphia and Anna sent flowers from London. Rita put her pain aside and made sure the baby had the best of everything. Chris’s pension and her job took care of their basic needs. They had a cute little apartment close to the beach. Rita’s friends filled it to overflowing with toys and baby clothes. Things were running smoothly. Whenever Harry called Rita was always ready with a cute story about the baby. On the surface nothing was wrong. Rita buried her feelings like the tough cop she used to be. She loved her daughter but she was holding back. She couldn’t let herself feel the overpowering love she knew a mother could feel for her child. It wasn’t safe to feel such strong feelings again. Rita’s one regret was that she couldn’t sleep. In her dreams she had hoped Chris would come to her and help her get through the night.

It was the evening of December 10, 1996 , the anniversary of Chris’s death. Christina Rose lay sleeping in her room. Rita sat on the couch pretending she was reading a novel. She couldn’t concentrate but it didn’t stop her from trying. She was surprised by a knock at the door. She opened it to find Harry standing on her doorstep with a box under his arm. "Rita, honey you can’t fool me," he began. "You need help." "I’m fine really, Cap" Rita insisted. She poured him some coffee and forced a smile. " I brought you something," Harry said putting the box on the table. "I packed the stuff from Chris’s desk up for you but didn’t think the time was right until now. There’s something here I think you should see." He dumped the contents of the box on the table. There wasn’t much. A couple of shirts , a bottle of cologne, a pen that Rita had bought for him one Christmas, notebooks from some of their cases, and a letter. "I think today of all days is the day you need to see this," he said handing her the letter. "From what I can tell he wrote it about the time you teamed up with Michael. Forgive me for reading it but I wasn’t sure what it was at first. I guess he never needed to send it." Rita looked at Harry then looked away . He could see her starting to break down. " I’m just going to see myself out. I’ll talk to you later," he said. Rita was sitting very still. Harry reached down and kissed her on the cheek. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. They stood silently for a moment then Harry turned and left.

She wasn’t sure she could bring herself to read it. She held the letter close to her face. She could smell the scent of his cologne coming off the paper. Holding back the tears she began to read:

Dear Rita,

It’s going to be Thanksgiving soon and I’m sitting here thinking about what I have to be thankful for. I’m trying so hard to get a handle on this. On us. I know we agreed not to talk about what happened that night. But it’s all I can think about. I can’t get it or you out of my mind. I think I understand why we thought we couldn’t keep on that course. Nothing physical between partners. We both know the rules. But the way I see it that’s not what’s keeping us apart. You and I have never been afraid to break the rules when we thought it was right. I’ve never thought anything was more right in my life.

So it’s got to be something else. Maybe we’re afraid. Afraid this won’t last. Like we’ll be like a shooting star. Burn up and hurt each other as friends in the end. I know in my heart that could never happen. We’re soulmates. Nothing can ever split us up. Nothing. But we’ve got to act on what we feel now or we may not get another chance. Even if for some reason what we feel now doesn’t last I know the time we have will be worth it. I love you and I don’t want to lose you. We’ve both been running from this for so long. I think I always knew deep down in my heart that you were the love of my life. The way I see it we don’t have a choice. If we don’t take this chance we’ll never know how happy we could’ve been. You are my life. You are my future. Please, Sam we need to talk about this. I couldn’t bear the thought that we had the chance for a real forever kind of love and didn’t take it.

Love Always,

Chris

The tears overwhelmed her now. She had to let them flow. The memories followed in a flood. They were warm memories now. She could feel them without the stabbing pain in her heart. Her sobs woke Christina Rose who began to cry. Rita went and got her out of her crib and hugged her close until they both stopped crying. After a while Christina Rose looked up at her mother with her blue eyes shining and smiled. Rita felt a warmth in her heart she had never felt before. This was the love she had waited all of her life for. This was her destiny. That night she slept peacefully for the first time in a year. She dreamt of Chris. She dreamt that he met Christina Rose and he told her they would all be together forever. She knew in her heart it was true.