Part One
The crying of the baby finally
forced the woman to climb out of bed. Shivering in her satin
nightgown she hurried to the nursery and lifted her son from the
crib. He calmed immediately as his mother cradled him and he
reached one of his strong hands for her hip length hair. She
anticipated his moments and moved her hair just in time. He
giggled and put a tiny hand over his mother's mouth as she walked
down the hall with him so she could get dressed. The baby-sitter
was going to be here soon and she was already late for her first
class of the morning. Not like it mattered, no one ever showed up
until test day. The instructor only cared about test scores. She
dumped her squirming son on her bed and headed for her dresser.
She decided on a black, silk tank top and a short pair of
blue-jean shorts. Her stylish high tops and her hoop earnings
were by the bed, thrown off in the heat of passion the night
before. It was so rare that he ever came home during the season.
She glanced at his picture in the golden frame by the bed, it was
the same glossy given to the fans but it still lifted her heart.
He was a good man, and a good father. As usual he was gone early,
practice started at six for the team.
"Your daddy and I are taking
you out tonight," she said as she picked the tangles from
her thick hair. "Where do you want to go?" The little
boy cooed and crawled towards her. For a quick moment she stopped
and watched him struggle. He would never be the great athlete his
father was. His skinny legs and arms were underdeveloped, he had
permanent damage done to his lungs after his two bouts with
pneumonia right after his premature birth, and he'd already had
two operations since his birth. The scars on his stomach would
fade, but she couldn't shake the feelings of terror when he had
been taken from her the first time. She'd paced the waiting room
of the hospital for hours, alone. He had been on the road with
the team. He had called after the game, and apologized. Not that
she minded much, she liked being recognized as DJ Martin's
girlfriend, and he loved his son. But it still hurt to know that
the game was meant more to him. Not for the first time had she
cursed baseball, pacing that hospital corridor. Now her son was
healthy but he would never be strong. Not that it mattered to DJ,
he had already bought him a glove, ball, and bat. "So what
if he's only a year old. He can stand, so he can learn. Baseball
will make him stronger. Have I ever lied to you, Rita?" DJ
said that often, "Have I ever lied to you?" It always
made her forgive him when they fought. She braided her hair over
her shoulder and put a colorful rubber band on the end.
"Huh? Where do you want to go?"
"Rita?"
She jumped and hurried to the
living room of the small apartment, "Robyn? Hi!" The
two friends embraced and as usual Rita had to push back feelings
of envy. Robyn was so beautiful.
Not that Rita was ugly. In fact she
was a strikingly beautiful woman. Her hair alone attracted men.
She had perfect skin, dark olive and tanned (from hours on the
beach). She rarely wore makeup, she didn't need it. From all
first appearances she was a girl next door, until you saw her
eyes. Deep set, dark green, and mysteriously blank. She never
showed outward emotion and her eyes were a wall to all her
emotions.
"How are you doing?"
Robyn headed for the fridge and searched for something to eat.
She discovered a sack of oranges and pulled one out, peeling it
slowly. "How's Tommy?"
"Good. He woke me up this
morning. DJ must've forgotten to reset the alarm when he left
this morning."
Robyn's eyes glazed over for a
moment at the mention of DJ but she said nothing. "Can I see
him?"
"Yeah," Rita reached into
the fridge and handed a bottle to Robyn, "in fact, if you
could feed him I'd love you forever. I need to hunt up my notes
for Psych."
"Why?" Robyn was heating
up the bottle, "You're passing with flying colors."
"But Amanda wanted to borrow
them. Since the class starts in an hour, I'm meeting her before
to talk her though them. I have a weird system."
"Which is why I don't borrow
your notes." Robyn smiled, "Is he on your bed?"
"Yeah." Rita's head was
buried in her backpack.
Robyn disappeared and soon Rita
heard her talking to Tommy. The door opened again and an older
woman entered. "Good morning, Ms. Lance." Rita jumped,
she still wasn't used to her new last name. She'd changed it six
months ago, right after her foster parents had been killed in a
car accident. She had to honor them somehow.
"Hi, Claudia."
"I apologize for being late.
Traffic was a mess."
"No problem. Uh, I'm going to
be home early. DJ and I have plans so I have the night off
work." She looked up and realized that her apron from the
restaurant was still on the counter. "Could you do me a
favor today?"
"Name it."
"Can you put my uniform in the
wash?" She produced the notes and zipped up her bag. "I
just don't have time."
"I can. Where is the rest of
it?"
"In my room. I'll get it for
you." She headed for the bedroom, "Robyn, we need to
get going." Her uniform was scattered across the floor. Rita
picked it up and balled it together. Robyn followed her out and
handed Tommy over to Claudia, he was still working on the bottle.
Rita kissed him gently, "Bye, Honey. Momma loves you."
Together she and Robyn hurried out.
DJ was waiting when Rita pulled up.
He had a funny look on his face and Rita could see a car full of
his team mates in a truck up ahead. They were waiting for him.
"Hey, Ritzy!" He called, using his pet name for her.
"Hi handsome." They
kissed passionately. "You ready to go?"
"Uh. . .well, the coach called
a meeting. I have to get going, the other guys are booked on a
flight to Boston and they got me a ticket."
Rita was crushed, "I thought I
had you until tomorrow night."
"You're not the only girl with
a broken heart tonight, Ritzy. Look, I gotta go. I love
you." He tried to kiss her but Rita pulled back, he wasn't
being straight with her. "What?"
"Nothing. I'd better get back.
Maybe Robyn will go out tonight."
"Good idea. I'm sorry, Baby.
Give Tommy a kiss."
"Yeah." She started the
car and drove off.
Tommy slept soundly in his carrier
while Rita tiptoed into the apartment. She wasn't even going to
move him. He could sleep in the bedroom with her. She flipped on
a light and set her purse on the counter. DJ's sweatshirt was on
the kitchen floor-it hadn't been there earlier. Was he home?
"DJ?" She called sharply, not caring if she woke him
up. No answer. Rita changed her mind about Tommy and put him to
bed in the nursery. He stirred when she lifted him but didn't
wake. If DJ was home she didn't want him in the same room while
they were in bed. "Deej?" She called again as she
entered the bedroom. Heavy breathing came from the bed and her
heart stopped. Her mind screamed at her but she kept her cool. It
was her apartment. She paid the rent. He could get out. She
snapped the light on and stopped short. On the bed were three
men, all fully clothed and all incredibly high. On a mirror in
the middle f them were three rolled up dollar bills, three razor
blades, a pile of matches and several piles of white powder. DJ
blinked at the sudden light and looked up at her blankly. The
other men started to laugh. Rita retreated from the bedroom and
locked herself in the nursery. There was a phone in there and she
could call the police. But instead of dialing 911, she dialed
Robyn.
Rita woke up curled into a ball on
the floor of Tommy's room. His teddy bear was under her head, a
baby blanket covered her. Her body ached and her head hurt from
all the crying she'd done the night before. She wasn't sure for a
moment what caused her to wake until she clearly heard DJ's voice
on the other side of the door.
"Ritzy?" She refused to
answer. "Come on, Sweetie. Please talk to me." She
still wouldn't talk. "Rita Lee?" He finally growled,
using her full name. When he did that Rita knew that a fight was
about to come and it was too early to fight. She kept her mouth
shut. Finally DJ started pounding on the door and Rita was forced
to move. She didn't want Tommy to wake up.
She threw the door open and faced
him with cold, stone eyes. "Get out." She hissed,
"Get out of my apartment, get out of my life, get out of my
son's life."
"Look, Rita, it was just one
high. I'm sorry, it won't happen again." He followed her out
to the living room, trying to reason with her. "Please. I'm
sorry."
He sounded so pitiful that Rita
almost forgave him. "How could you do this to me?" She
cried, "You know how I feel about drugs."
DJ grabbed her hands, "I'm so
sorry. After you locked yourself away last night I kicked the
guys out and sobered up. They're the heavy users, not me. It was
just for fun."
Rita shook her head, "It's
hardly recreational if you broke a date for it. DJ, I never see
you!" She started to cry again and he pulled her close.
"Baby, I'm so sorry. I'll get
help, I'll do anything for you and Tommy. You know that."
Rita pulled away and grabbed her
keys. "I need some air. Tommy should sleep and I don't want
you near him. If you go in there I'll kill you." She turned
her back and stormed out. DJ watched her go and after hew as sure
that she was gone, reached for the bottle of vodka he kept under
the sink. He mixed himself a stiff drink and went on the balcony
to roll a joint and relax.
Rita walked to a nearby park and
collapsed onto a swing. How could he?
"Come here my little
Rita." Rita backed off, his eyes looked funny. "Come
try something." He grabbed for her but she ducked away.
Behind him on the table was a syringe and some white powder.
"Come to Daddy."
"You're not my Daddy!"
She screamed and ran for her room. She could hear him coming
after her. She reached the bedroom and began to pray a mournful
prayer that every child in the homes prayed. "Dear God,
bring my Mommy and Daddy back to me. If they are dead, please let
me join them. Make me an angel too. . ."
Rita wiped her eyes. It had taken a
lot to put that home behind her. She swore when she left that she
would never tolerate drugs. She'd been high once and all she
could remember was the pain that it left behind. DJ was history.
Rita walked into the apartment and
straight into the closet. She pulled out a suitcase and opened
it. "You have a choice. You can either get the hell out of
my apartment or you can have the police help you out. I'm sure
that this would really be good for your career."
"Rita--"
She took one look at his eyes and
knew. "You bastard! You have it in my house?" Tommy
started crying and she raced to him, bundled him up and left the
apartment quickly. Robyn lived just down the hall. She wouldn't
go back until he left.
It seemed all too familiar. The
endless corridor, the waiting, the pain. She couldn't shake the
sound of Tommy's pitiful coughing, when she closed her eyes all
she saw was the blood he hacked up. She'd go crazy if she lost
Tommy.
"Ms. Lance?"
Rita spun around. Robyn rose from
her seat in the corner and came to stand behind her friend. She
took her hand and put her arm around Rita's skinny waist for
support. Since she'd kicked DJ out she'd lost too much weight.
She never ate, she couldn't sleep, all she did was study and
worry about Tommy. "Yes, Doctor?" Rita's voice cracked.
He shook his head, "I'm sorry.
There was nothing anyone could have done. There was internal
bleeding, probably from the coughing, and his lugs were too full
of blood. There was no way to repair it. It was no one's fault,
even if you'd have brought him in two days ago we'd have lost
him. I'm sorry."
Rita collapsed into Robyn's waiting
arms. She was too exhausted to cry, too exhausted to even move.
"He killed my son," she whispered, "it's DJ's
fault." Robyn held her friend closely, wishing she could
understand what Rita was going through.
"Come on, Baby." She took
her small friend by the shoulders and turned back to the doctor,
"Can she see him?"
"Of course. IT's up to you to
make funeral arrangements, we can hold the body for you."
Rita nodded painfully and the
doctor led them to a tiny morgue. In a corner another young
couple cried over the body of their dead child. Rita stroked
Tommy's face gently and kissed his forehead in her usual way.
"Sleep well, Baby. Momma loves you."
Robyn guided Rita from the morgue
and out to the sidewalk. "I'll take you home. Come on,
Rita." But Rita wasn't paying attention to Robyn. "What
is it, Sweetie?"
Rita pointed and Robyn's mouth
dropped when she saw him. The man walked up to them and held out
a bouquet of roses. Rita didn't accept them. "What are you
doing here?"
"Good to see you too, Ritzy.
I'm here to see my son. I called Jared," he nodded at Robyn,
"he said you were here."
"You're a little late."
Rita's voice seemed mechanical, unemotional. "He's dead.
Drowned to death from blood in his lungs. He's in the morgue.
Maybe you can bring the roses to him, brighten the place up. I'm
sure he'll appreciate it. Come on, Robyn."
"Rita!" DJ called after
her. But she didn't turn around.
Robyn made the funeral
arrangements. Rita couldn't even study, but she forced herself
to. Graduation was in two months and the police academy in
Lauderdale had already accepted her. She was graduating
Valedictorian of the class, but the Salutaorians were close
behind her. Her entire life became studying for finals. Robyn
kept her afloat and made sure she ate. If she hadn't, Rita would
have starved to death.
The funeral was beautiful, flowers
covered the altar, the coffin, and the grave at the cemetery.
Rita drifted through everything in a haze. The priest blessed
him, they prayed, they went to the cemetery and buried him. She
looked for DJ, part of her wanted him to hold her. She needed to
cry in his arms, feel his strong arms around her. He was no where
in sight.
DJ watched the graveside ceremony
from the protection of a dark car with tinted windows. "I'm
sorry, Rita." He whispered. "I really do love you and
Tommy. I'll never forgive myself." Tears ran down his cheeks
but he ignored them. He knew Rita would never forgive him either.
Rita smiled thinly at Robyn and
took another swallow of her coffee. "Here we are,"
Robyn chirped, "we have worked so hard to get here that I
can't believe it's really happening."
Rita took a look around the
apartment she was sharing with Robyn and Jared and nodded.
"Maybe I can finally put everything behind me."
"Maybe."
Rita sighed, "I feel like I'm
abandoning him. Is that wrong?"
"No. But it's time to let go.
Rita, you can't bring him back." She tossed a pillow at her
and smiled, "Rita, we're in Lauderdale. It's the police
academy. Be happy."
Rita smiled and threw the pillow
back, "I'm going to sleep. Class starts tomorrow."
"Night, Zero." Robyn
called as she headed for bed.
"Night, Rob." She called
back. Alone in the dark the pain only increased. Bitter tears
rolled down her face, mixing with the coffee. "I'm sorry,
Honey," she whispered, "Momma will always love
you." She cried herself to sleep, just like she'd done every
night for the past three months.
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